I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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