You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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