If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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