Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
