Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
