D3 body, D1 cock
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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