We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
