I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
