i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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