If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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