The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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