Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
