I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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