Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
