but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
