I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
