i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
