I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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