I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
