I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
