If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
