I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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