Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
