kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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