I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
