If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
