meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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