do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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