i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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