i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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