omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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