whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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