You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
