I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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