"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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