my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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