he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
