so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
