You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
