Can i not drive my cunt home
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
