Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
3 2 1 whiskey
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
