If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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