Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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