Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
