he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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