also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
