oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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