Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
