i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
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Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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