out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
