I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
