My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this will be a night to untag.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
