he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
