I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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