Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
