my being single is dangerous.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
