He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
