Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
