Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
