Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
