Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
