i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
