I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
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You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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