Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
