we're chasing vodka with high fives
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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