I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
