I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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