You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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