you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
