Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
