I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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