i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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