you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
