he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
