R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
