Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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