just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
