All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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