He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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