yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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