dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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