Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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