unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
