So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
