Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
