Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
not ubering you a puppy
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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