There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
