Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
if only i could text you this smell
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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