Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i came on her dog
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
